The Ramblings of a Wannabe Healthy Girl

I had thought about joining weight watchers but the cost is just too much for me to swallow right now. As a lower priced alternative I decided to renew my bodybugg subscription. I've had a bodybugg for quite sometime. Two and a half years maybe? I don't know. I haven't used it in at least a year and a half possibly longer. I'm hoping to use it for awhile and at least get some kind of baseline as to where my metabolism and bmr are at. I'm also hoping it will encourage me to get some more movement in. My subscription should be active tomorrow at some point and I'll be wearing my armband for the first time tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing where I'm at.

Just like about every other blog I've seen today I also am hoping this year is a fresh start for me. I'm sitting here at 23 lbs heavier than my lowest weight in memory and at closer to all my weight gained back. Woo hoo. The older I get the harder it seems to motivate to do something about this weight even though I know its a necessity. I'm angry about it. I'm angry that I threw all my hard work out the window. I'm angry that my clothes don't fit. I'm angry that this is such hard work. I know the hard work is worth it but finding the motivation to putting the work in is so hard. I need to do it, I want to do it....but I just can't find the motivation to do it. I'm starting a new job on Monday I know that it's pretty much impossible at this point but I'd love to start the job weighing under 180. I'm hoping that with some serious sodium flushing with all the water I should have been drinking all along and some healthy meal choices I can at least get close.

Also I think many of the blogs I've always followed are kind of like me in that they've run away from blogging for various reasons and I'm looking for some new blogs to follow. If anyone has any suggestions please leave me a comment. I need some inspiration and motivation.

Here I am, my 100th post....I was somewhat of a success story, at least for a little while. I started this blog at around 185 lbs, on June 6 of 2010 I was 183.2 lbs, I managed in 6 months or so to lose almost 20 lbs weighing in at the lowest weight I had seen since high school on Halloween of 2010 164.4 and here I am almost two years later and weighing in today at 183.2 lbs. What an ridiculously futile cycle this seems like. I don't want to ride this weight loss roller coaster again. I want to go down and stay down. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way and I also no their is no magic pill. There's just me and my willpower and my drive to do this. I know its in me somewhere, I'm just having trouble finding it.

I don't know why I do this over and over. I lose weight and then go back to my bad habits and gain it all back if not more. I need motivation seriously. I know my health should be motivation enough but some how it is not. I need to hold my self accountable for how I treat my body and I haven't been doing so. This needs to stop now and for good. Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to start taking care of me. I'm not getting any younger. I need to do this now.

It's Friday, it's Friday, wahhoooo :) I love weekends, especially 4 day ones with a little trip included. I'm headed out Sunday with my kids for a short stay with a friend whose rented a house at the beach. The weather isn't looking so great but it will be nice to get away for a couple days anyway. Even better than getting away is the fact that I weighed in this morning and all that water weight I was holding due to TOM is gone and I saw a wonderful number on the scale - 173.8 -  I haven't seen anything that low since September. I know I'll probably overdo things a bit this weekend. BUT I also know that I'll get right back in the saddle when I'm back home. I can do this.

I woke up this morning after a fun, very eventful but restrained weekend food-wise to a 2.6lbs gain on the scale. Why the gain if I didn't overindulge? The impending arrival of a monthly visitor. Ugh. Such frustration to go from 175 on Saturday morning to 177.6 this morning while staying on point calorie and nutrition wise as well as after spending most of the day yesterday on my feet walking around. It's wonderful being a girl :P